Fear: Building My Career

When it came to aptitude tests, I was always well rounded. My scores never provided definitive answers to a college major or career. Basically I would be good at anything I tried. That would have been excellent, but I am 35 and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

Generally, I have excelled at my work endeavors, but I have yet to find one I truly loved. The closest I came was working in a full service Marriott; at the time it was great and I enjoyed the work tremendously. Now I have two young children and working in an industry which never closes is far less appealing. Regardless of my job placement, I have always felt that I was in the right place at the right time.

Earlier this year I decided to create my dream job. I created a mission statement and vision statement, I even created a space for my new career. All I needed was a dream and I would be ready to embark on my new adventure.

In the twenty plus years since those aptitude tests I was no closer to a dream job. I could tell you what I didn’t want, and I knew I wanted to make own schedule while helping others on their spiritual paths. I was also fearful to lose any income while embarking on my new endeavor. 

Feeling a bit lost, I turned to speaker and author Jon Acuff for guidance on building the career I wanted. Through personal experiences and humor, Acuff helped me to understand myself better. For the first time in my life I had some sense of direction. Right now I am in the phase of not quitting my day job, so I can build my dream job. I  have found this step to be very important because it practically illuminates the fear I have about creating my own career. 

Today I feel as though I received an unlabeled box from Ikea. I have all the pieces and tools, but the instructions are vague and I don’t know what the final product will be. I can’t tell where my heart lies; am I to build a chair or shelving unit? The one underlying theme throughout all my career research goes back to the movie Field of Dreams, “If you build it they will come.”

I need to stop worrying about the outcome and start building my dream to see where it takes me. I know that if my spirit, mind, and body are in the right place then my dream will unfold. I also know that in time my dream will change and that will be okay too. Today is the day I punch fear in face and get on with my life.

The Walls We Are Accustomed To

Generally speaking we learn that the walls we build around ourselves are negative. I do not know the statistics, but a wall by any other name is still meant to keep something out. One of the most impressive books I read on this topic is Broken Open by Omega co-founder Elizabeth Lesser. It is an excellent read and I recommend it to anyone seeking to deepen their spirituality.

Currently I am working through some personal turmoil, so I have been sensitive to the issue. That is why when I saw the new Pixar movie “Inside Out” I immediately picked up on the story of a young girl learning to manage her emotions. (Elizabeth wrote a Facebook post on the movie, check it out here.) Rather than another story about a person learning to let the good in, this was a story about learning to let the bad in, so the healing could begin.

Personally I am not an optimist, nor am I a pessimist. I see myself as a spiritualist. My reality is based in the truth teachings I study and I try to base my actions on the same truths. With this in mind, I always try to stay positive and anticipate that good things will happen. When things do not go as I expect, I understand that it must be karma or the Universal Laws at play. I look for the lesson to be learned and I move on. I never thought of this mindset as a wall. I thought of this as a proper way to live my spiritual life. Today I am looking at it differently.

Previously, whenever something bad happened, I would sit with the situation, ask for understanding, and release it back to God (my higher power). I tried not to get angry or be hurt. I did not dwell in it and I encouraged myself to move on. I came to be like this after a period of negativity in my life. I was dwelling in anger and pain, never truly learning the art of letting go. My pendulum swung the other way after working out of my negativity. Rather than keeping the good out, I learned to keep the bad out.

Who can blame me? In metaphysics we are taught to stay positive, release negativity, and to learn from ourselves. The past is over, the future is not set, so stay present. I was not purposely keeping negative emotions out, I felt I was working through my emotions. It appears as though I need some more work, but don’t we all.

I have come to learn that regardless of the intent, the walls we build keep things out. There needs to be a balance between the positive and the negative. Sadness allows joy, just as darkness gives way to light. The following quote came while writing this today, “For the application in self, the TRY, the effort, the energy expended in the proper direction, is all that is required of THEE. God giveth the increase.” (Edgar Cayce 601-11)

It refers to the energy expended in proper direction, it does not state whether the energy or direction is positive or negative. It simply states that the effort is all that is necessary. This quote gives me hope and guidance.

Now that I have identified my wall of positivity, I need to restructure it. My intent is to avoid building walls altogether. Fortunately I do not have to start over; I have experienced the negative and I have recognized the positive. It is time to find an honest balance in my spiritual life.

“Start where you are.” – Edgar Cayce

Following the Signs

Much has changed in my life over the last few weeks. I have been working on my next step in life. While this was going on, I started to receive information about a turning point in my life. Being a spiritually motivated person, I asked for guidance, clarity and any signs that might help along the way.

I am a firm believer in signs as guidance. I have refined these skills throughout my life, but I am still learning. Frequently I have been asked, “How do you know when it’s a sign from God or just a coincidence?”

Simple answer, I do not always know. It is a process for me to analyze the information I receive. There is a fine balance between doubt and faith. I will go over some examples of signs and coincidences to help further explain.

When my son received a coupon for a Sklanders Trap Team toy in his Happy Meal, he was convinced it was a sign to drive to Target and buy a new toy. I had to explain to him, that it was a promotional coincidence, not a sign from the heavens. Bear in mind he just turned six, so his understanding of the situation was not out of the ordinary, unlike a woman I once knew. She received information that she should sell her worldly possessions, move to the American Southwest and search for aliens. I still remember her telling our group of friends, I was only fourteen at the time, but I still knew her plan was a bit odd.

She was a wife, mother and grandmother, who completely uprooted herself to follow the signs. Her husband did not agree with her motivation, so he stayed in their family home when she left. Last we heard she was traveling across the desert in an RV without A/C and with an array of animals. I think she was headed to Taos, NM to investigate the Taos Hum.

On the other side of the same coin, my mother recently received a series of signs regarding some recent home upgrades. She was looking to buy new lanai furniture, but was not certain of how to pay for it. Within a few days, a rebate card (not a credit card, similar to a gift card) for over $500 arrived in the mail from Lowes. My mother was then able to purchase the new furniture without having to pay out-of-pocket. That was a definite sign.

Personally, I have had my fair share of misinterpreting signs. As a young eighteen year old, a pre-approved credit card in the mail was a sign. Now I shred those offers on site. As I mentioned before, I analyze the information I receive. I receive signs through dreams, visions, informational downloads and throughout every day life.

I recently asked guidance about my career options; that night I received a dream in which I was suffering at a coffee shop. I awoke and took it to mean not to apply to the barista positions I had located the previous day. Although I could easily reinstate myself in the coffee world, I took the dream as a sign not to because it would cause unnecessary strife.

Yesterday, I was unusually feisty. I noted that I was upset and stressed out. I sat with my discomfort and asked for guidance. I began receiving information about going on a trip, for spiritual and business purposes. Not being certain of the idea’s intention, I asked my mother to be mindful of her dreams last night. (Quite often my spiritual signs affect the whole family.)

This morning while reading a book by one of my favorite authors, John Van Auken, I came across a line from the Book of Job and received an informational download. (This is how I describe receiving information from a higher power.) I went home and shared the information with my parents. Then began the process of seeing the reality of the information I received. I will not exaggerate, the reality of this trip is closer to the World of Disney, but I am a believer.

While discussing the details of this potential endeavor, my mother told me her dream from last night. It had to do with her finding a restroom, so the dream to her was based in the reality that her sleeping body had to use the bathroom. I noted that a dream involving the restroom would make me think of the aforementioned author, John Van Auken, who has also trained me in dream study. Van Auken cautioned against the body’s natural urge to use the bathroom upon waking. He advises to review dreams prior to using the loo.

At that moment, I was actually discussing the personal symbology of dreams with my mother, not even thinking of her dream as a potential sign for me. Is my mother’s dream, which triggered memories about John Van Auken, whom I was reading earlier in the day and I will potentially visit with on this trip, a sign for me? If I had not received the following sign, I would not be reading into this dream so much.

I felt a need to take a break from the situation, so I took a walk with my son. As I turned the corner I noticed a parked car with a license plate from Virginia. Virginia happens to be where this trip will take me if things come together. Sign or coincidence? If I were east of the Mississippi or on a military base, complete coincidence, but I live in Hawaii. It is not common to see an out-of-state plate on island. I smiled and took the license plate to be a sign. Not necessarily a sign that I am going, but a sign to that I am on the right path and I should pursue the options.

My basic guidelines for determining if a sign is a message or a coincidence, primarily rely on your reasoning skills. When you receive a message or sign, ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Who is this for?
  2. Who is this from?
  3. Who will this benefit?
  4. Will this cause any harm to myself or others?

Sit with these questions and their answers. Ask for additional guidance, be specific about what you are seeking. Do not be afraid to ask for clarification in a way you will understand. The Universe is an infinite place, help yourself by defining your needs. If you cannot easily remember your dreams, do not ask for guidance through them. Above all else, trust yourself.

User Error: Outlet to an Infinite Source

I am the technical guru of the family. When an electronic is not working I know about it. I do not know how many times a week I hear myself say, “Did you power down and restart?”

Having dabbled in audio-visual (AV) work back in the day, I am a fan of checking the power source. That is my first step when troubleshooting. A couple of years ago when my young daughter was trying to prank people, she actually managed to pull a good one on her grandfather. (My daughter was only 5 or 6 at the time, so her pranks were interesting to say the least.)

Grandpa was making fresh salsa. He plugged in the food processor and turned away to dice some tomatoes. In the mean time, my daughter unplugged the food processor and motioned for me to keep quiet. Within a few minutes Grandpa was frantically trying to get the food processor to work. He pushed the buttons, removed the lid, replaced the lid, etc. Finally the family burst out laughing, my daughter had just pulled her first prank. Despite Grandpa’s efforts he was unable to get the food processor to work all because he did not check the power source. In his mind he was plugged-in and therefore the problem lay elsewhere.

Although, it has been a couple of years I was reminded of the incident last night when I told my father, “User error, it’s generally user error.”

How many times do we think we are plugged-in to our spiritual source when in reality we have lost the connection? Ever had that perfect morning when you were able to meditate or pray prior to beginning your day? You the leave the house centered and fully aware of your connection to a higher power. Then on the morning commute someone cuts you off and the barista at Starbucks screws up your drink. Perhaps you shake it off, but then someone takes your parking space at work. Within moments you start to feel flush and a fleet of words flow from your mouth. What happened to that connection? From an AV standpoint, the best thing to do when this or a similar situation occurs is to stop and check the power source. Where is your connection? Is it the higher power or the ego?

The universe is filled with unlimited potential. Many of us do not know how to utilize all that is available. Through “User Error” we miss out on our full potential. Take a tip from the AV Department, always check the power source. A proper connection to a higher power will provide infinite results.