In January of this year I decided to return to college for the eighth time? I am still working towards a useless associates degree. I may even graduate next fall semester. My speech class did not transfer and I needed one to fulfill a requirement. Being an experienced facilitator and speaker a speech class sounded dreadful. When the counselor said, “How about Interpersonal Communications?” I thought “Perfect! My previous managers told me to stop making my coworkers cry. I could use some interpersonal direction.” Well, here I am with only a couple weeks left in class and a slew of forum posts on the book chapters I never read. My instructor loved my writings and suggested I compile a book, or be a stand up comedian. As I already have this platform I opted to share those writings here. These are my personal commentaries on questions related to class material. These will be different than my previous blog posts and have minimal editing. I feel it is time to move my writings into a more authentic light. I hope you enjoy my thoughts just as my professor has this semester. (Each chapter focus and question are at the beginning of each post to provide the reader with a bit of background.)
Create safe places for yourself and you don’t have to be liked by everybody and the day you can get that down you know some people like you some people don’t that’s wonderful and the ones who don’t like you that’s great let them find their way.Peter Woodbury from Edgar Cayce on Empathy, Sensitivity, and Boundaries: From Karma to Compassion
Managing Interpersonal Conflict (Ch. 12)
- conflict ritual
- crazy making
Identify the relational conflict styles, patterns of behavior and conflict rituals that define a given relationship.
Examine the differences between men and women in how they approach conflict. Include research findings as well as your own personal experiences in your discussion.
I believe the books Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and Jane Goodall’s My Life with the Chimpanzees covers this topic in detail. For the sake of entertainment I will comment on Chapter 12. Physical differences aside, men and women communicate differently from each other. It is as if God decided to prank the human species. Men tend to communicate physically while women tend to communicate through emotions. A man is more likely to assert his strength, knowledge, and dominance with a firm handshake, a projecting voice, and large physical presence (literally taking up more room). A woman is more likely to express her knowledge, power, and position through making a connection with her audience. Empathy and understanding are common female communication skills. In my life I do not adhere to these stereotypical, albeit common communication styles. My mother the female Naval Officer in a “man’s game” told me that men are incomplete when compared to women. We have the XX chromosome, while men have the XY chromosome, the Y is just an X missing a leg. I was the only girl in judo, I was the only girl in karate, and I preferred Hot Wheels to Barbies. This one time in elementary school we went to a park to meet our pen pals from another school. My pen pal wore a white dress, on a field trip to a park. Seriously. We had nothing in common and she went off with her friends. I went to play kickball or something. A bit later, a mini gang of pre-pubescent girls approached me. They began to accuse me of not liking my pen pal because of her gold capped tooth. I believe my honest response was, “No it’s because she’s boring and no fun.” Oddly that did not go over well. Stupid emotional girls am I right? When it comes down to it I am consistent if nothing else. I don’t like bullies, it doesn’t matter if they’re male, female, pan, bi, Hulu+ without ads, whatever. Don’t be a dick because then I’ll have to put you in your place with my power vagina. (I just made that up.) When it comes to work, I don’t care. I work to make money period. I would always tell coworkers, “I am not here to be your friend. I am here to do my job and go home.” Twenty years ago we all felt this way in the Industry. Today the kids are different. They crave being coddled. They work to find friends. Just before COVID hit, I noticed this shift. I understood my time was about up. I was working on an exit plan from bartending. Then it was forced upon me.
*While working in my previous position, my managers would praise me for “not making a coworker cry” within a certain period of time. I worked in restaurants not Disneyland. I wasn’t a cast member, I was a bartender.