Part IV: Interpersonal Communications SP-181

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In January of this year I decided to return to college for the eighth time? I am still working towards a useless associates degree. I may even graduate next fall semester. My speech class did not transfer and I needed one to fulfill a requirement. Being an experienced facilitator and speaker a speech class sounded dreadful. When the counselor said, “How about Interpersonal Communications?” I thought “Perfect! My previous managers told me to stop making my coworkers cry. I could use some interpersonal direction.” Well, here I am with only a couple weeks left in class and a slew of forum posts on the book chapters I never read. My instructor loved my writings and suggested I compile a book, or be a stand up comedian. As I already have this platform I opted to share those writings here. These are my personal commentaries on questions related to class material. These will be different than my previous blog posts and have minimal editing. I feel it is time to move my writings into a more authentic light. I hope you enjoy my thoughts just as my professor has this semester. (Each chapter focus and question are at the beginning of each post to provide the reader with a bit of background.)

Create safe places for yourself and you don’t have to be liked by everybody and the day you can get that down you know some people like you some people don’t that’s wonderful and the ones who don’t like you that’s great let them find their way.

Peter Woodbury from Edgar Cayce on Empathy, Sensitivity, and Boundaries: From Karma to Compassion

Nonverbal Communication (Ch. 7)

Terms:
chronemics
haptics
kinesics
microexpression
paralanguage
proxemics

Goal:
List and offer examples of five different types of nonverbal messages in a specific situation.

Question:
Gender has a strong influence on nonverbal communication. Explain the differences between men and women in this area. Include your personal experiences in your discussion.


What an amazing topic! When I was pregnant with my son, my mother told me she wasn’t going to buy into the belief, “Boys are just different.” Her Ph.D. in anthropology taught her not to support for gender stereotypes. Understand my mother has a younger sister, a daughter, and a granddaughter, no boys. My best friend has three boys and the cousins I grew up with were boys. My father helped to raise a total of 15 children. (His sister had 9 children, he had 4, I have 2.) Let me just say my mother had a rude awakening. I raised my children with gender neutral concepts such as toys and color do not have gender. I never told them they can be anything they want when they grow up because no one can! A colorblind person can never be a TSA Agent because they can’t read the x-ray scanners. My daughter could never be a USN SEAL not just because she would suck at it, but the Navy doesn’t allow females in that career field. Life has limitations. Some are fair, most are not. My son and daughter are only 17 months apart. One day they were standing in front of the TV watching The Kraft Brothers. All of a sudden my son cranked back his right arm, then slapped his sister’s back. She immediately hit the floor crying. I hollered at my son, “Ronan! Why did you hit your sister?” He shook his head signalling he didn’t hit her. I pointed to her writhing on the floor. He legit jumped back in shock then proceeded to ask what was wrong and why she was crying. Ronan literally had no idea he hit his sister. (My kids adore each other, they’ve never fought verbally or physically.) Essentially boys do not know much of anything. Girls know too much of everything. (I do not support the following behaviors.) A boy may pick on a classmate, but when you ask him why he honestly has no idea. Ask a middle school girl why she shoved someone into a locker and she will give the exact time and day of the discretion she is avenging. Girls are methodical and mean in middle school, while the boys literally stink.  Although these behaviors are stereotypical the difference in non-verbal communication between men and women is there. When someone is upset an average woman may try to console them with a hug or hand on the shoulder. A man on the other hand will most likely have his hands in his pockets hoping his friend isn’t expecting a hug. Women are know to sigh as a means of non-verbal communication. Men tend to mimic Helen Keller and are shocked when their partner is pissed off.  I will say, women, similar to their middle school counterparts, tend to be more vengeful than men when it comes to personal relationships. Think about the stories of crazy breakups. He did something, so she slept with his coworker and threw his clothes out of their 19th floor balcony. Men tend to compete non-verbally with coworkers and close friends, not lovers. I think the moral of the story is, stay single, get dogs, keep all your own money.


Interpersonal Communication and Social Media (Ch 2)

Terms:

disinhibition
hyperpersonal communication
leanness / richness

Goal:

Comment on how gender and age affect the use of mediated channels, and adapt your use of channels to best fit the given recipient.

Question:

Explain several ways that mass media and technology contribute to the shaping of our self-concept.


A couple of years ago an article came out claiming a large percentage of the population does not have an inner voice. I was stunned. What the hell do people do all day?  My first memory of self talk goes back to being an infant. I remember looking at my parents and wondering what was wrong with them. My self-talk only grew from there and eventually I developed a resting bitch face to go along with it. I am an only child, I always had a dialogue of self-talk going on. I think of it as a simple voice or voices in my mind. The book explains that after an event occurs, the thought (self-talk) and emotion are to follow. Metaphysically and psychologically I could get into this, but I will stick to simple personal experiences. Growing up my mother always told me she loved me. She would yell, scream, and cry then end with, “But I love you. I want you  to know that.” I hated it, I still do. Growing up my mom wasn’t told she was loved by her own mother (borderline schizophrenic narcissist). Therefore she grew up thinking she was unloved and she felt unlovable. This event created the thoughts and emotions which led my mom to her actions when I was younger. Personally I overthink. One time my boss called me and asked me to come in early. I said no problem. Then my partner for the night messaged asking why she was asking to come in at my regular in time. Well naturally I was going to be fired right? I was freaking out for over 5 hours. My partner and my co-worker both told me I was overreacting. I had to keep my cool while helping that same co-worker shop for a wedding dress. The whole day was awful. I arrived early to work and found my manager. She looked at me perplexed then said, “Oh, I messed up I need you to come in early another day to blah blah blah. Sorry.” WTAF? I spent the whole day in my mind with my thoughts. Granted I have anxiety and my brain chemistry is a bit off. However one common event can cause my thoughts and emotions to run wild.  Perhaps my favorite example would be a third person story I heard at Denny’s one night. Thursday night, party night friend smoking on the front lawn waiting for his friend to come outside. Mom opens the window and yells, “NO FAGS ON THE LAWN.” The gay smoker was greatly offended and did not realize the type of family his friend had. He immediately withdrew socially for the evening. Finally the friend with the fag hating mom got him to open up. The gay smoker told the story and explained how he was hurt and offended by the prejudice remarks. Trying not to laugh the concerned friend explained,”My mom is from Ireland. They call cigarettes fags there. She didn’t want you smoking on the lawn because she just had it serviced.” Everyday we experience events which lead to thoughts (self-talk), and feelings. Some of these self-thoughts are self destructive others manifest miracles. The Golden Rule applied to everyone, including ourselves. Many people need to be kind to themselves. I am working on it myself. 

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